When you are young Christmas is a magical and, largely, stress-free time. You don’t have to cook anything, buy anything or worry about anything… other than making sure you’re not left with the crap chocolates from the Roses variety tin.
Fast forward a few years and it is a different bauble game (see what we did there?) – overindulging in naughty treats, boozing most nights of the week, last-minute shopping, haphazard wrapping and pressure cooking.
So, if you want to survive silly season without losing your nearest and dearest (or your sanity) you have to have a strategy.
Here are the 5 most important sleeps of Christmas.
The Post Party Nap
Ok, you did exactly what you said you wouldn’t do – took unabashed advantage of the Christmas party free bar. Now your head is swimming, your shoes are killing you and you have somehow ended up with an extra large kebab in your hand. Sit around in the kitchen bemoaning this fate and what is likely to happen? You get caught in, let’s face it, a pretty undesirable state. Whether it is disapproving parents, an unhappy spouse, or curious children mistaking your unsteady movements for those of a particularly clumsy Father Christmas – you don’t want to be seen like this. The best approach? Wolf down the kebab like it is your last ever meal, hide the packaging and then hot foot it to bed where you can sleep off the night’s festivities…
The Christmas Morning Snuggle
We all know that the best part of Christmas is the moment you open your eyes. The whole day is ahead of you, with Bucks Fizz to be consumed (at a normally unacceptable hour) and a turkey that is yet to be burnt. And, let’s face it, it’s all downhill once the presents have been opened anyway. This is the magic part, when you have your best PJs on and nobody has had a chance to argue yet – prolong the anticipation of the day by spending an extra hour in bed.
The Pre Chaos Rest
You have approximately 2 hours until your family, in-laws and all, descend on the house. What do you do? Wrap a few last minute presents? Peel vegetables? Stick the hoover round? NO. That’s a mug’s game. This is the time to reserve your energy. God knows you’re going to need it. Sure there is something to be said for at least clearing away the top layer of rubbish that normally insulates your home, but why take on more than you need to in order to save face? Use this time (and your bed) to nap, meditate, or binge-watch. Whatever is going to make sure you are at your least frazzled when the troops arrive and you have to spend the rest of your day defending your questionable life decisions. Which, by the way, you are you are best off doing when well-rested and with a drink in your hand.
The Food Coma
Now, we know that it is traditional to fall asleep on the couch in front of the TV. But you know what you get for that? A sore neck, drool on your sofa cushions and a cold from a distinct lack of duvet. After eating enough roast potatoes to sustain a small country, it makes sense that you will want to hibernate but do it in the most comfortable place possible – your bed. That way, when you wake up, you’ll be refreshed and ready for round two…
The Boxing Day Sugar Crash
The thing about Boxing Day is that all rules go out the window. With no set structure and just a just a variety of leftovers to tuck into, it is much easier to go rogue. Which means, come 3 pm, it’s likely to find that certain members of the family are high as kites from eating three krispy kreme donuts in a row. One controversial political discussion or wrong move in an otherwise friendly game of Monopoly and you could have a full out war on your hands. You need to nip it in the bud. The best thing to do? Gather everyone up, head to bed and stick on a soothing Christmas film – preferably something with cute animals and a heartwarming message. Once everyone is calm, you just need to pray that they will fall asleep – because, let’s face it, it’s much harder to fight when you’re unconscious.
So, there we have it – the five opportunities to give yourself the gift to sleep this Christmas. Because why hope for new socks when you can have snooze?
